Three Powerful Ways to Embrace Self-Compassion with ADHD

You are resilient and creative, which supports you to thrive. At the same time, you may have experienced missed opportunities, that have led to disappointment, increased self-judgment, decreased motivation, and reduced life satisfaction. 

ADHD and Self-Criticism 

When you live with ADHD and related conditions, it’s not uncommon to receive feedback from friends, family, or colleagues that can often be received (and communicated) as negative. Over time, this feedback can become internalized as an inner voice of self-doubt and perceived failure. You may criticize yourself to take back control, with the misleading hope that finding fault with yourself will ensure you don’t make a mistake. 

To safeguard yourself from this harsh internal dialogue and further rejection from others, it can be safer, more comfortable, and less threatening to view yourself in the same way that you perceive others view you.

What results is the tendency to believe this inner voice of self-doubt and not being good enough.
 

Research supports that one of the primary obstacles to motivation, learning, and reaching your goals is self-criticism. On the other hand, when you are self-compassionate, you can shift your harsh inner critic towards taking more responsibility for your mistakes; you are more conscientious, more accountable, and more motivated to accomplish your goals. 

Here are three powerful ways to unlock self-criticism and embrace self-compassion so you can live a more satisfying life.   

Change Your Critical Inner Self Talk 

"Self-compassion is being supportive toward oneself when experiencing suffering or pain—be it caused by personal mistakes and inadequacies or external life challenges." – Dr. Kristin Neff

The research shows how self-criticism obstructs learning and comes at a great cost to one’s mental health and motivation. Findings revealed that students who were instructed to be self-compassionate about prior failures spent more time studying. Self-compassionate students retained less fear of failure and more motivation to learn from their mistakes.   

Quick Tips:

• Notice your inner self-talk. When you’re feeling bad or uncomfortable about a situation. What words are you using for yourself? What’s your tone? Become aware of your self-critic: “I can’t believe you were late. You messed up again. When will you ever learn.”
• Talk to your inner critic with kindness. Soften and relax your inner self-critical voice. “I know you’re worried about me, but you’re causing me pain…I need you to let my compassionate self say some important thoughts now.” 
• Restate the inner critic’s observations positively. “I know you’re working hard on this. It’s okay to make mistakes. Just keep trying. This is a journey.”

Acknowledge Your Common Humanity

When you live with ADHD and other related conditions, feeling different and overwhelmed can lead to feelings of loneliness and social isolation which can feel frightening and unsafe.

Quick Tips:

• While each person experiences ADHD uniquely, recognize that failure and disappointment are part of the common human experience.   
• Acknowledge that although the origins, circumstances, and level of pain may be different, the human experience is universal. 
• Our thoughts, feelings, and actions are impacted by many factors, and we need to acknowledge that our experience of imperfection is shared so we feel less isolated and alone.

Adopt A MIndfulness Perspective

Although there may be a tendency to quietly listen to the inner voice of self-doubt, there can be a tendency to reject and repress perceived failures and self-doubt. Suppressing negative emotions is like pushing a beach ball underwater. Eventually, the beach ball will shoot up under pressure. If you suppress negative emotions, they will grow stronger until they burst. 

Quick Tips:

• When you beat up on yourself, you tend to get so lost in the role of self-critic that you don’t stop to realize how much you are hurting.  When you are self-critical, you are more likely to be critical of others, negatively impacting your relationships.
• Remind yourself that your negative thoughts and feelings are thoughts and feelings. They do not define who you are. 
• Ask yourself how you would talk to yourself if you were talking to a friend.
• Ask yourself what your friend would say if they were talking to you.
• Use touch by touching your heart or face or by giving yourself a hug. This will call back tender memories of being cared for by others.  
• Model self-compassion aloud to those you love so they learn how to adopt self-compassion for themselves.
• Take self-compassion breaks throughout your day. When you sustain self-compassion, you are managing your energy levels, eliminating burnout, and allowing yourself to be more present for others.
 

In summary, to unlock self-criticism and embrace self-compassion so you can live a more satisfying life:

Change Your Inner Self-Talk
Acknowledge Your Common Humanity
Adopt a Mindfulness Perspective

Warmly,

PS. Need support to unlock self-doubt, stay motivated, and live a more satisfying life?

Contact me for an ADHD Strategy Assessment and you can be an active part of the solution now!

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